No More Handshaking For Me

Last week during my vacation I drove my mother to the oncology department for her first check up after getting radiation treatment last year, everything is fine, thank goodness. While waiting in the waiting room, a good place to wait, I had to use the facilities. toiletThe first thing you notice when you use the washroom in an hospital is that the toilet is designed for people in wheel chairs. The toilets are higher and larger than what most people are used to. I felt like I was a four year old sitting on the toilet with my feet dangling. I was even singing ” It’s my potty and I’ll cry if I want to, I’ll cry if I want to”.

After I was done my business, I had to be careful jumping off of the toilet so that I did not break my neck, being so high off the ground. I then use the flimsiest toilet paper ever. I think that the hospital administrators believe that they are saving money when the purchase single ply, strike that, half-a-ply toilet tissue, but to do a good job most people will use three, four times the amount they would usually use at home. I had to use several miles of the tissue, I will not go into further details.

I always wash my hands after using the facilities. I go to the sink and turn on the water. I now realise that hospital faucets are either shut off or they are flowing at full capacity, no in between. You get no water or gallons per second flowing out of these faucets. I repeat this washroom was designed for people in wheelchairs, the sink is lower than in most bathrooms and it is tilted towards the front for easier access. What happens when Niagara Falls bursts out of the faucet and hits the bottom of the sink, which is tilted at the front? Yeah you guessed it: you get a crotch full of water! You know it and I know it: there is a special place in hell for the designers of these faucets and sinks. The toilet paper is way too flimsy to wipe the mess. I did not want to look like I was having sexual relations with the hand drying machine, so I had to make do with what I had.

I had to walk out of the washroom with my jacket in my hands in front of me to hide the “accident” I just had. There was this elderly gentleman laughing when I walked passed him, he also had his winter jacket folded in his lap. I waited for 30 minutes in the waiting room and I was able to tell who washes their hands after going to the washroom. I have now decided not to shake hands with anybody anymore!

p.s. I’d like to thank Howie Mandel for the use of his “I’ll cry if I want to” joke. This incident is based on a true story.