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  • Normand Bissonnette 2:32 pm on March 31, 2008 Permalink | Reply  

    No More Handshaking For Me 

    Last week during my vacation I drove my mother to the oncology department for her first check up after getting radiation treatment last year, everything is fine, thank goodness. While waiting in the waiting room, a good place to wait, I had to use the facilities. toiletThe first thing you notice when you use the washroom in an hospital is that the toilet is designed for people in wheel chairs. The toilets are higher and larger than what most people are used to. I felt like I was a four year old sitting on the toilet with my feet dangling. I was even singing ” It’s my potty and I’ll cry if I want to, I’ll cry if I want to”.

    After I was done my business, I had to be careful jumping off of the toilet so that I did not break my neck, being so high off the ground. I then use the flimsiest toilet paper ever. I think that the hospital administrators believe that they are saving money when the purchase single ply, strike that, half-a-ply toilet tissue, but to do a good job most people will use three, four times the amount they would usually use at home. I had to use several miles of the tissue, I will not go into further details.

    I always wash my hands after using the facilities. I go to the sink and turn on the water. I now realise that hospital faucets are either shut off or they are flowing at full capacity, no in between. You get no water or gallons per second flowing out of these faucets. I repeat this washroom was designed for people in wheelchairs, the sink is lower than in most bathrooms and it is tilted towards the front for easier access. What happens when Niagara Falls bursts out of the faucet and hits the bottom of the sink, which is tilted at the front? Yeah you guessed it: you get a crotch full of water! You know it and I know it: there is a special place in hell for the designers of these faucets and sinks. The toilet paper is way too flimsy to wipe the mess. I did not want to look like I was having sexual relations with the hand drying machine, so I had to make do with what I had.

    I had to walk out of the washroom with my jacket in my hands in front of me to hide the “accident” I just had. There was this elderly gentleman laughing when I walked passed him, he also had his winter jacket folded in his lap. I waited for 30 minutes in the waiting room and I was able to tell who washes their hands after going to the washroom. I have now decided not to shake hands with anybody anymore!

    p.s. I’d like to thank Howie Mandel for the use of his “I’ll cry if I want to” joke. This incident is based on a true story.

  • Normand Bissonnette 8:07 am on March 20, 2008 Permalink | Reply  

    If This Continues I’ll Turn Into A Snowman! 

    snowmanToday is the first day of spring, yet here in Northern New Brunswick we are getting more snow. Environment Canada is telling us that we should be getting a combination of snow and ice pellets and maybe freezing rain. We are getting 30 cm of the white stuff. If we do get it we will have received over 500 cm of snow this year, that is almost 16 feet 5 inches. That is a hell of a lot of snow. People with snowmobiles are dancing with joy while people with shovels are bitching and complaining. We can jump and complain all we want but there is absolutely nothing we can do to stop it from snowing. Weather is uncontrollable, it is a fact of life. The only thing we can do is if we don’t like certain weather is moving to another area with a different climate but as we all know there is no perfect climate. There is always either snow, rain, heat waves, frigid cold, tornadoes, hurricanes, draught, floods, earthquakes, volcano eruptions, tidal waves… UFO’s falling from the sky! We have to live with it. If it doesn’t kill us, it will make us stronger.

    Enough of the ranting. Next week I will be on vacation and out of town, therefore chances are they will be no posts on this wonderful blog of mine. Too bad, eh? Such is life, it is like the weather: you can’t control it. Don’t worry I’ll be back the following week and hopefully I’ll have something interesting to write about. I certainly hope so.

  • Normand Bissonnette 8:31 pm on March 13, 2008 Permalink | Reply  

    The Faster I Drive, The Less I Hear 

    I am still very happy with my new car.  On thing I have noticed is that the car’s radio is designed to make you drive faster.  How is that?  You say.  Well an option on the car radio is that the volume can adjust itself depending how fast  I drive.  I guess it is designed this way to cancel out road noise by raising the volume.  Well if I am listening to rock music and the volume gets louder when I press on the gas, my brain automatically sends a signal to my right foot to apply more pressure to the accelerator pedal and I drive faster and the radio gets louder and I drive faster and the radio gets louder and I drive faster… You see where I am getting at, I’ll either get a speeding ticket or get into an accident or I might even go deft with the radio playing at an ungodly volume.

    Since the last post in which I mentioned how much snow we received this year, we have received another 50cm of the white stuff.  The last few days it has been getting warmer and all the snow we have received this year is slowly melting and by my rough calculations all the snow should be gone by October, great just in time for more snow.  I wonder if they get snow in Afghanistan.  I’ll bet you they have gotten more snow in Quebec. ;-p

  • Normand Bissonnette 3:23 pm on March 5, 2008 Permalink | Reply  

    Winter Wonderland 

    snowToday we are getting some snow, some ice pellets and this evening we should be getting freezing rain. This year we have been getting more snow than usual. not at little bit more but a whole lot more. Way too much. I don’t have a snowmobile, I don’t sky, and I am too old to build snowmen, yet I like snow. I like living in Canada where we have four distinct seasons. I think the reason I don’t mind snow is that I live in an apartment building and I don’t have to shovel it.

    Usually I like spring time when the snow melts but I don’t mind if it starts late or if it is early, it does not bother me. This year I can’t f@#king wait! Where I live there is an average of 314.2cm of snow fall per year, this is according to the Canadian Weather Office. For all my American readers this give us ten feet four inches. That is our average snow fall from January to December. We can get some snow nine months of the year here. We sometimes get snow in October and we can also get some in May. All the months in between we almost always get snow. I have to say at this point that while searching for the average snow fall per year I found on the Cities own web site an average of 400cm of snow a year, which is 13 feet one inch. I trust the weather office data over the cities data since the city is trying to lure people to Bathurst for snowmobiling.

    This year we have gotten 410cm of snow (13 feet and five inches). This is a hell of a lot of snow. I don’t remember getting this much snow. The worst part of it is that the 410cm we have received are just calculated for 2008! You have read that correctly we have gotten 410cm of snow from January 1st to March 4th, I am not counting today’s because It is still snowing. We are basically getting hit twice a week with considerable amounts of snow. Now the bad news the month of March, on average, we get 53.4 cm of snow (one foot nine inches) and in April we should get 33.4cm (13 inches). Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow in deed.

    On the bright side of things it is good for the makers of maple syrup, more strawberries and blueberries in the fields. And we should all enjoy our spring and summer so much more this year after this interminable winter.

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